Stream of Self-Consciousness

Here is what's happening.

With 2010 coming to its close, my plan was to revisit the past year and recall some of the key events. You know, like weird stuff Scott has done and things that annoyed me. However, as I thought back on the past 12 months, I had a difficult time recalling worthwhile happenings. That disappointed me. Cool stuff HAD to have happened this year. I only remember being depressed like 250 days in 2010. What happened to cause the holes in my otherwise perpetual melancholy?

In lieu of not remembering what the F went down this year, I choose to repopulate the gaps in my memory with visions of athletic glory, comedic prowess, suave gamesmanship and professional satisfaction. In other words, pure fiction.

To rectify this problem for 2011, I plan to keep a log of humorous, memorable, life-altering, minute, and general teaching moments over the course of the year. Yes, one of my 2011 resolutions* is to keep a journal. Keep the comments to yourself please.

*Other 2011 resolutions include, but are not limited to:**

** Central Catholic High School handbook language is not as annoying when used to your advantage.***

***Yes, I'm stealing this from Joe Posnanski. Sue me.****

****Joe, please don't sue me.

Take more photographs. This handsome mug of mine won't last forever. We must capture it for posterity so my forthcoming children will know where their own good looks originate from.

Do more stuff that does not involve sitting in my chair. Don't ask me why, it seems like a good idea.

Play a cruel, yet classically hilarious practical joke on Mike. Consider this a warning. You know it's coming, but you won't be able to stop it. There is no worse feeling.

Go to the gym more. HAHAHAHA. I have a better chance of actually keeping a journal.

Mainly, my goal is to give semi-consistent updates on recent events if for no other reason than to remember them (MEMORIES! I feel like Melissa Joan Hart), hopefully with some witty, biting, yet perspective-laden commentary.

Though this won't have the widespread appeal of previous iterations of this blog (sorry female Irish gardening enthusiasts), I feel that at the very least my core audience will have some nice fodder with which to ridicule me. Given my general awesomeness and inability to make a fool of myself regardless of situation (thesaurusize my name and the first things you'll find are: "cool customer," "smooth operator," "sharp-shooter," and "disconcertingly handsome intellectual with a heart of gold and nerves of steel, think Indiana Jones"), I think the market is thirsting for something, anything that shows vulnerability in my seemingly chink-less armor. Settle down Scott, this is what I meant: Click If You're Confused, sponsored by Scotts toilet paper.

Enough jabbering. As a jumping off point, here's something of a game reset to set the stage for the pending endeavor.

School Update: I am now a master, please refer to me as such. (Though my reaction upon completion of my graduation requirements had elements of many parts of the previous video, my feelings were probably most embodied by the gentleman at 1:40 of the clip.)

Work Update: I still have to go every day.

Romance Update: NATALIE HAS BEEN CHEATING ON ME! Luckily, I have been ready to move on from her to Emma Watson for months anyway. What's that? Crap!

Last 5 songs I listened to on iTunes:

"My Baby Left Me" Rox

"Shell Games" Bright Eyes

"Kindle A Flame In Her Heart" Los Campesinos!

"Kaleidoscope Eyes" Burnt Ones

"Younger Us" Japandroids

Book I am currently (re)reading: The Hobbit. Decided to break out this nerd-classic mainly because I fell asleep the other knight (see what I did there) watching The Fellowship of the Ring and was in the mood for some Middle Earth adventures. Reading any J.R.R. Tolkien will really make you reevaluate your thoughts on Led Zeppelin. Also, I'm psyched to rewatch this movie that I vividly remember watching when I was little.

Classic (loosely defined) hip hop song I am jamming out to right now:

Finally, a few of my associates and I recorded a podcast a few weeks back. While the production is not yet ready for mass distribution, meaning we have to bleep out some swears, remove names to protect the innocent and probably do the whole thing over because it sucked, I would be willing to share this rough draft with anyone who is interested. Feedback is welcome so long as you tell us that it is the funniest, most groundbreaking piece of audio ever created by someone who isn't Prince. Please note, you can probably only listen to it if you have a Mac and/or Garage Band. I'm not advanced/motivated enough to learn how to convert it into a different file type. Enough techno nerd talk, leave it in the comments if you want a copy.

Peace.

Allow me to reintroduce myself...

At long last I return, triumphant and saturated with ideas, poised for a dispersion of knowledge so profound it would make even Sting lose his mind with awe.

Yeah, not really, I'm just gonna post random thoughts that no one but me cares about. Proceed at your own risk.

To (re)start things off with the proverbial bang, it's a post I've been meaning to drop for a while and hope to make it a recurring feature in this space. I cheesily call it "What are you listening to" and its purpose is to spread some musical interests between the 4 people who read this.

I have a tough time stumbling across new music, despite the fact that I constantly yearn for it. Since I'm willing to bet that the aforementioned 4 readers face a similar conundrum, I thought I'd share my current favorites and would hope that the readers follow suit.

Often I will simply list new songs/artists that I've stumbled across or hidden gems from yesteryear. Some songs are radio hits that I'm not alone in enjoying (I can't promise that a Miley Cyrus song won't eventually be included), while others will be songs that only I could possibly enjoy (think this one but less popular). Listen to them all. Pick and choose from artists you've heard of and have been meaning to check out. Completely ignore all my selections and use this space to flaunt your own musical elitism (cue: Maddalo, Matthew). It's up to you.

Mostly, there will be no rhyme or reason to the configuration or order of the tunes, but there is no way I can promise that I won't occasionally get ambitious and create a playlist for the purpose of showing off my mixtaping skillz (unconfirmed).

When it comes to posting your current "jams" (that's hipster slang for "favorite songs to dance suggestively to"), don't be shy. All genres are welcome and it is no one's obligation to like any of my, or others', suggestions. Try to keep all haterade of others' music to yourself, unless Friday suggests going to an STS9 concert, then proceed ridiculing him mercilessly. Also, I'm well aware that I myself will take a fair amount of abuse for this quasi-corny, idealistic idea that probably won't work, but just know that I'm only trying to improve everyone's lives. (That is, in addition to the comedic genius and keen sense of fashion that I already contribute. You're welcome.)

Let's get down to business. Here's what I'm listening to, post yours in the comments.

"Spaceman" The Killers

"The High Road" Broken Belles

"So Happy I Could Die" Lady Gaga

"California" The Kooks

"Jenny" Stellastarr*

"For Us" Pete Yorn

"Paris Is On" Paul Brill

"The Funeral" Band of Horses

"You'll Find A Way" Santogold

"Bulletproof" La Roux

"1901" Phoenix

"Tangerine" Led Zeppelin

"In Your Eyes" Jeffrey Gaines (Peter Gabriel cover)

"Barely Legal" The Strokes

"Gold Lion" Yeah Yeah Yeahs

"Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)" Florence and the Machine

"Airplanes" B.o.B. (featuring Hayley Williams

"Stadium Love" Metric

"Hollywood" Stefani Germanotta (couldn't resist)

Unless this is a rousing success and my adoring fans decide to go all "Betty White," I'm not linking to YouTubes of all my songs again, that was an unforeseen pain in the backside. And seriously, if you're going to make me a meme (which I'm ambivalent about), at least get me an SNL gig, I just want to be in Scared Straight with Kenan.

This is what I'm doing instead of writing my thesis

Procrastination to the max.

Strange but true: I got the same gifts for my 23rd birthday as I did for my 12th birthday: a bike, plastic baseball bases, and a Red Sox PEZ dispenser. The thing is though, I was no less excited this year than I was in 1998.

Speaking of PEZ, I think the quality of the product has decreased in recent years. I remember when I used to eat PEZ it was really hard and brittle. Now, it's softer and has the same consistency as Tums (still delicious though). This could be because my Mom would hide the PEZ from my sisters and I in a cabinet that was too high for us to reach and would only let us eat it occasionally. So, we were probably eating 5 year old PEZ thus resulting in the rock hard candy I remember.

Good music is better when you're the only one who thinks it's good. Just ask all the fans of J.D. and the Rattlesnakes. They'll tell you what's up.

You know what's inconvenient? The fact that I only get the urge to exercise in the middle of the day while I'm at work. It's 1:10 in the afternoon and I could totally run 3 miles, lift weights and do like 16 pushups right now. But I can't because I have to think about engineering. Why can't I get this urge at like 7 am? Or even 5:30 in the evening? Instead, at those times, all I want to do is sleep and watch Everybody Loves Raymond. I guess that's what separates me from people who are in shape. And people who can walk up two flights of stairs without having to take a 2 minute recovery break and change their shirt.

More on PEZ: Is there a more useless ritual in the world than filling a PEZ container? I mean there's no one who doesn't do it, but there's also no one who has a package of PEZ last more than 19 seconds. Does anyone fill up the Garfield head and then not finish it for 3 days? No. You fill it up, then you eat it as fast as you can. Why do we even bother filling it up? Because it tastes better coming out of a cartoon's neck, that's why.

Until I think of more stuff to bore you with, maintain status quot of not caring.

Musings...

Some quick hitters to welcome me back...

Had a dream last night that it snowed and my dad needed my help shoveling the driveway. I groaned and started to exit my bed. Then I remembered...it's June. And he has a snow-blower.

You know what's irrationally difficult? Putting in ear bud headphones with the off-hand. Putting the bud into the right ear with the left hand is like trying to tie your shoe with one hand. It can be done, but it never feels right and it's not worth the aggravation.

If you could possess one superhuman ability what would it be, go. If you said anything other than time travel, you are wrong.

Why doesn't MTV have HD? It boggles my mind. Aside from sports, music videos and reality shows with either really good looking or really ugly people are what HD was invented for. I find it just lazy on their part. Although Heidi in high-def might reveal some things that just shouldn't be revealed. Whatever that means.

Is there a better combination of flavors than peanut butter and jelly? I submit that there is not.

That's all I got for now, but this was way easier than my previous blog writing approach in which I tried to be Frank Deford in every post. Look him up minions. Peace out.

This battle station is fully operational

Word and good day.

I'm coming to you live and in person from my living room. That's right, the laptop is back, Jack. And it's ready to test it's destructive power. You may fire when ready.

My insincerest apologies for the shortage of writings in the recent fortnights. My computer was broke and also, I was doing stuff. Thanks to those of you who continued to periodically check to see if I had posted though. Your dedication to my prose has kept me slightly ahead of Mike in page views, despite having not even considered writing anything for almost a month. Nevertheless, you'll be glad to read that I have returned from my hiatus with a new-found vigor for blogging (not really, my vigor is actually relatively unchanged). Get excited (or don't, your call).

To get back into the swing of things, I thought I would break out a mundane top 10. Apropos of the times (it being March and all), I will be unveiling my favorite non-Villanova, non-UMass collegiate basketball players of all time. I had to input this stipulation due to the fact that Wildcats and Minutemen would overwhelmingly dominate a top 30 of my favorite athletes, much less a dime-piece.

How do I go about selecting my favorites you ask? My criteria is three-fold. Any of the three parameters will do, a combination will guarantee a spot and a sweep will earn you legendary status in my basketball heart for all of time.

Skill-set required is as follows:

a) A moisture-filled jumpshot. As a magnificent shooter myself, I always appreciate a man who can rain J's on my level. There's not too many out there who can.

2) Toughness. A gutsy player will always find himself in my good graces. Even in the absence of skill, hardnose, hustle play will rise above all. Plus I can't stand wussies.

d) Tournament heroics. A clutch performance or cinderella run is always a good way to cement one's legacy as a Pat-favorite.

That said, I also enjoy fierce dunkers, warrior-rebounders and shot blocker extraordinaires. So, feel free to take my afore mentioned criteria with eight grains of salt. Furthermore, the professional careers (or lack thereof) of these players was not considered. I only count games where a band plays during timeouts.

In compiling this list, I discovered there were a lot more than ten players who have garnered my respect over the years. Thusly I have to break my rule of no honorable mentions and dish out some kudos to the following fine young men (even though most of them are now fully grown men).

Those who can be mentioned as having honor: Kirk Hinrich, Allen Iverson, Ricky Moore, Troy Bell, Tim Duncan, Deron Williams, Steve Blake, Acie Law, A.J. Guyton, Ed Cota, Maurice Ager, Scoonie Penn, Aaron Afflalo, Charlie Bell, Jacque Vaughn, Tom Coverdale, Marcus Williams (though I do not endorse laptop theft), James Posey, T.J. Sorrentine (one play was enough)

My college basketball lifetime has not been all bliss, sadly. Villains exist who also deserve to be pointed out and recognized for their (relative) evilness. There are two types of bad guys, players who killed my teams or general pukes. Here they are.

Out and out punks: Chris Thomas, Jared Dudley, Steve Logan, J.J. Redick, Eric Devendorf, Chris Taft, Jeff Adrien

Villanova killers: Kevin Pittsnogle (duh), Mike Gansey, Joe Herber, Rashard McCants, Marvin Williams, Carl Krauser (for being 29 and poking Allan Ray's eye out), Joakim Noah (just him, not Horford, not Dean, not Brewer, just him)

UMass killers: Alexander Koul, Ray Allen (hate to say it, but he was the face of UScared in the 90s), Larry Hughes, Pepe Sanchez, Lynn Greer, Randy Rutherford, Bryant Reeves, Antoine Walker, Tony Delk, Rick Pitino (the only coach to warrant my scorn)

Without further adu, here's the top 10. Probably only myself and Mike will watch the vids but if you enjoy college basketball, be sure to give these a look.

10. Dwayne Wade - Even before winning the NBA title with Shaq and the 2009 MVP award (What? That hasn't happened...oh.), D-Wade was a freak. He came out of literally nowhere to lead Marquette to the Final Four. His triple-double over hated Kentucky was sublime. Superman.

9. Carmelo Anthony - 'Melo sneaks in at the #9 spot despite only staying one year. He was OK that year though. Did some things, won some games, whatever you might have heard about it. If he had made good on this however, he would have been much higher.

8. Paul Pierce - This is not a homer pick as much as it looks that way. When PP fell to the Celts at number 10 I was extremely enthused because Kansas was always one of my favorite teams and #34 was one the key reasons. He was special from an early age.

7. Juan Dixon - The second national champion to crack the list will not be the last. What Joe Smith couldn't bring to Cole Fieldhouse, Juan Dixon did.

6. Chris Lofton - One of the best shooters I've ever seen and, as a cancer survivor, I think he passes the toughness test too. Anyone who can do this is going to be on my list.

5. Brandin Knight - No video of Brevin's little brother that I can find (I know you're all disappointed), but this dude was amazing in the early 00s. Talk about gutsy, Brandin led Pitt to back to back Big East regular season titles, their first Big East tournament title and consecutive Sweet 16s. His number rightfully hangs in the rafters both in Pittsburgh and in the Pat Hall of Champions.

4. Miles Simon - Another national champ. He may have been overshadowed by the pro careers of Mike Bibby and Jason Terry, but Miles Simon was the heart and sole (See what I did there? Like a sneaker. Get it?) of the '97 Wildcats.

3. Mateen Cleaves - I don't like to throw the word "warrior" around since it belongs exclusively to Lou Roe, but let's just say Mateen is close. A "combatant" if you will. As the leader of the Flint-stones he severely rolled his ankle in the National Championship game and came limping back into the game minutes later. I've recreated this moment countless times (at least twice this week) and fake-hobbled around my driveway as I led my team through the NCAA tournament. His mini-afro doesn't hurt his case either.

2. Stephen Curry - I know its cliche and bandwagony to like him now, but seriously were you around last March? He was otherworldly in their tournament run and has a chance to become enter the top 3 all time in NCAA scoring, which is moderately impressive. Also, he's possibly the only person who can match my range with the J.

1. Gerry McNamara - It started early. It was clinched late. Onions.

So there you have it. I probably missed some but whatever this took me all day.

Before I sign off, be sure to stay tuned later this week for an exciting announcement. Don't worry ladies, I'm not getting hitched just yet. Most of you still have a chance. The announcement will most likely mean nothing to anyone but I need to get it out there anyway. Until then, enjoy the madness.

He was a boy, she was a girl

I know I give the biddies a hard time in this space. Mostly due to their tendencies for evilness and cruelty. But there is one arena where the ladies really know what they're doing. Get your mind out the gutter perverts, I'm talking about music. Chick rockers are some of my favorite musical artists, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

The passion and fire that babes bring to their rock music is unparalleled (except by Steve Winwood). And with the recent semi-resurgence of chick rockers in an attempt to recapture the magic of the Lilith Fair glory days, I felt it was appropriate to bang out a list of some of my favorites. The dames you'll read about below are not simply pop singers like Britney and the artist formerly known as Xtina, however. No ma'am, they can be seen slamming on their guitars or at the very least being the front woman of an otherwise all-male band.

The amount of chick rock songs that I enjoy numbers much greater than ten, but for the purposes of this list I had to cut some off. Unlike Mike's lame top tens, I refuse to give you honorable mentions because I think that's a cop out for not being able to whittle the list down to a dime-piece. But be sure that there were some tough omissions. So, without further ado, here is the top ten chick rocker songs.

10. Why Can't I - This gem from Liz Phair is a surprise inclusion, even to me. I like this song an inordinate amount, especially the explicit lyrics. The F-word caught me so off guard the first time I heard it, my ears did a double take. That's difficult to do.

9. Foolish Games - Fashionably sensative, but too cool to care. Oh Jewel. Little known fact, she was singing about yours truly right there. Truth syrup. So many great songs to choose from, but this one is so fresh. Probably the mellowest song on the list, but it merited inclusion due to the outstanding lyrics and powerful voice of the former trailer park resident. Doesn't hurt that she's a stone fox either.

8. Cruel to be Kind - The first non-solo artist to crack the list. Letters to Cleo lights up the prom in 10 Things I Hate About You, the movie that solidified my love of Alex Mack. This song is really enjoyable and impossible not to sing along to. Go ahead, try.

7. I'm a Bitch - The Ryan Kuhn theme song brought to you by Meredith Brooks! I'm just playing Ryan, even though I'm quite sure you don't read this. More harsh language in this one. I know you can say this word on ABC nowadays so it's kind of losing its luster, but back in the mid to late 90's...e gad was this racy. It's so catchy though, it was difficult to not sing when this song came on the radio while my mom was driving me to school. Damn you Lander in the Morning on Mix 98.5.

6. Head Over Feet - You knew there had to be an Alanis song on here. Some may have gone with "Ironic" or "You Oughta Know," but I think this is the best of her catalog in my opinion. The lyrics are quite good, and seriously she transcends gender. I don't know anyone who doesn't enjoy a good Alanis song every now and then. Really brings life to any party.

5. Everywhere - What happened to Michelle Branch? She had such a promising career going, but I don't think I've heard a new song from her in like 5 years. Weird. This one still stands up though, I love the slow, calm intro that morphs into the thundering chorus. Great jam.

4. Torn - How would I not pick Natalie Imbruglia? I don't imagine there being much argument with this one. I can't even here the word "torn" and not start singing this song. It's that good, and a great video to boot. Also, she's underratedly cute. Love that short hair cut.

3. Untouched - Easily the most recent song on this list. Many of you may be shocked I have it ranked this high, above the previously mentioned classics, but I am straight up obsessed with this song. It has so much going for it. The Veronicas are twin babes from Austrailia, who named their band after an Archie comic book character. Do you know where Archie creater Bob Montana is from? That's right, Haverhill, Massachusetts. Nice choice ladies. The song's not bad either.

2. Don't Speak (video Not Safe For Kellie) - If you ever wonder why Gwen Stefani is famous, watch this video. Holy Hell, she was simply a vision. This video directly contributed to me going through puberty. Not only that, it's legitimately a good song. Nay, great song. No Doubt was the first band with a girl singer that I ever really enjoyed. To the point that Tragic Kingdom was the third CD I ever bought with my own money (after Led Zeppelin IV and Nimrod, please I'm not insane). They opened the door to the chick rocker world for me and I have been hooked ever since.

1. Sk8ter Boi - Can I make it anymore obvious? Ah, be still my heart. Really, did you think it would be anything else? Avril is the bomb. If No Doubt invented the genre of chick rockers, Avril Lavigne perfected it (in my opinion anyway). I'm still a little hurt that she chose to marry that Sum 41 guy (in his defense, Fat Lip is a pretty kickin' song) instead of me, but I'm confident she'll come crawling back eventually. I love Avril with every fiber of my being and have her poster on my wall. No joke, I'm like an 11 year old with this crush. It's sad. There were so many songs of hers to choose from, but with Sk8ter Boi rockin' on MTV, it was really an easy choice.

So there you have it. If I left out your favorite, feel free to post in the comments section below. Just know that I don't care what you say or what you think, your opinions really mean nothing to me. I know what you're saying, so please stop explaining. What more can I say? I said see ya later boi.

Absolutely, totally and in all other ways inconceivable

Let's get this done.

Before I begin, the Han Solo edition blaster must be turned towards myself. I am a nincompoop for spilling water on my laptop keyboard and forcing me to use a nerdy external keyboard via USB connection. It is now much less comfortable when blogging from my Laz-E-Boy. Veale....Jerk. That stings.

Now on to more serious business. I hate doing this again, especially since it was just yesterday that I reacted to Mike's television comparison to me, but people just keep dissing me for me no reason. I can't let it slide. Ne'er-do-wells must be held accountable for their reprehensible deeds.

This most recent slight comes from literally left field. Young Brian Ford started his blog on the wings of my success, capitalizing on the "blog-craze" that Michael and I brought to the forefront. Now, I won't give him the satisfaction of linking to his uninteresting and hate-filled diary because I refuse to endorse such nonsense. But rest assured, it's more rambling than Mike's blog, less funny than Kellie's blog (or anything she ever says) and more full of inaccuracies than Cormier's grossly exaggerated sagas.

In a recent post, Brian gave a scouting report of the athletic abilities of his home "friends" (and I use this term loosely after the stunt he's pulled), including comparisons to professional athletes. As I've gone over in much detail in this very space, some of my best attributes are my silky smooth jump shot and my cannon of a right arm. I also possess unparalleled competitiveness, strong game management skills and an astute sense of "the moment." Did Ford have the Focus (see what I did there) to pick up on any of these things in his scouting report of me. In a word...not even effing close.

First as a comparison for my wiffle ball ability...Tim Wakefield. A consummate professional and first class guy to boot, I do not wish to put down the Wake. But Ford, after the numerous times I have stymied you from the bump, you should know I don't even have a knuckle ball in my repertoire. Or maybe that is a contributing factor to your .084 lifetime average against me. You have no idea what I'm throwing. Granted I throw junk and have a rubber arm, but at least you could compare me to my boy of days past and present, Bronson Arroyo. Works at the plate too as both Bronson and I are a threat to go yard.

Ford, you spent a paragraph discussing the fact that I play quarterback roughly 80 percent of the time in our games (and at a level you could never dream of...Pat White...HA!), yet you compare me to some random scrub tight end from the Broncos. Really? I'm not gonna claim I'm the touch football version of Tom Brady. No one is, he's a god. But with my cannon, pocket presence and ability to sling the deep ball, you couldn't come up with a quarterback comparison that your readers don't have to look up on Wikipedia? I'll admit I'm prone to a costly pick from time to time, how about a Tony Romo or a Big Ben Roethlisburger? Considering I routinely have to quarterback without the benefits of having all-world receiver Chris Carrozza split out wide, I do alright.

Finally, we come to the most insulting, egregious, ludicrous comparison of the bunch, in undoubtedly my best sport no less. Yes, I may be something of a braggart. And yes, my skills in the above sports may be somewhat exaggerated by my own ego. But you have the gall to put down my ballin' stature. I got skillz son, you know this. Honestly, I'm a force and could fling your slight frame around the paint with ease and calmly step to the outside and knock down J's in your grille (notice I use the feminine form of the word...foreign language joke). Yea, I'm a chucker, hence your comparison to 'Toine Walker. Normally I'd have no problem with that. But when you compare yourself to Tayshaun Prince, Mike to Ray Allen, and Carrozza to Chauncey Billups (really?), all multi-time NBA all-stars, I get a little offended. Play me one on one. Then see how you feel about my game. I guarantee you'll be singing a different tune.

For these offenses, and several others I'm sure, you are the unanimous choice for Creep of the Week. You've trumped the hellacious misdeeds of such repeat offenders as Maddalo, Kellie and Nault (ouch...very ouch). That's seriously hard to do. Take heed, you are on thin ice, just a slight misstep away from the Hall of Shame. Tread carefully Brian.

Sorry to everyone except Ford about the rambling, had to get that off my chest. I'm sick of being hated on by my inferiors. That's it, I'm done. Be good and don't let 'em talk bad about ya.